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The Rainbow Clause:
Giving us the right to choose who; where; when; why; and how.
What You Should Do If Your Child Is Bullied
Being the object of snide remarks because you
are gay is one thing. We are adults. We can handle it and chalk it up to
the ignorance and fear that it is. But when the bullies turn against your
child because of your lifestyle it can make you steaming mad.
I have three daughters. Two are biologically
mine and one is my girlfriend's. We live in an extremely bigoted section
of the nation known as the Bible belt. I've been told that I should be executed
because the Bible tells Christians to execute gays. I've been told that I
should have my children taken away from me. My girlfriend even had to work
in a place where her supervisor made no bones about the way she felt about
gays. She routinely gave my partner the hardest, dirtiest work and talked
about her behind her back. My own Grandmother even told me I was lost and
was resigned to the fires of hell. Again, this was all done in the name of
Christianity. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against Christians, but when you
live where I live and see what I see, you begin to get a sour taste in your
mouth whenever the word church is mentioned.
The point I'm trying to make is that we can
put up with a lot. At some level we're used to the bigoted remarks and
differential treatment that we receive from others. We may even begin to
expect it. But our children do not deserve it. They did not ask to be the
object of ridicule because their parents love differently. And in spite of
being labeled as different, they do love us; that's why my eldest daughter
took on two boys on the bus one day because they said something about her
mommies.
Sadly, you cannot prevent bullying from happening,
but you can change the way you handle it. I know, the first reaction is to
go pounce on that 80 lb 4th grader and beat some sense into him, but that
will only land you in jail. Then, the whole community will be wagging their
tongues and saying, "I told you so."
In today's society, children have become more
accepting of others. Well, I shouldn't say today because children have always
been accepting. You see, children are accepting by nature, and the recent
sexuality acceptance trend in society is bound to trickle down to the little
ones. This is because children only mimic what they are taught, and if no
adults implant negative ideas about gays into them, they will hardly come
up with it on their own.
But even if there are 100 families that frown
on discrimination, I guarantee that there will be that one family who resigns
you to the fires of hell because of your sexuality. And the children of that
family will think it is their duty to bully your children. After all, children
learn quickly, and they will bring their parents' bad attitudes to school
with them and take it out on your children.
So, what should you do when this happens? The
first thing that you should do is reassure your child and explain to them
that they do not have to answer for your lifestyle. They do not even have
to believe in it themselves. They also do not have to publicize it if they
feel uncomfortable about it. You should go on to explain why people say bad
things about other people and tell them to ignore the behavior.
If the bullying continues or gets physical,
you should take the matter into your own hands. Forget about approaching
the parents, they will likely be even more bigoted than the child. Remember,
the child has learned the behavior somewhere. Instead, contact the school.
Today, many teachers and school personnel are required to take diversity
training. So, your chances of finding a supportive teacher are better than
finding a supportive parent. And bringing in a third party puts a little
perspective on things.
In many cases, all that is needed to stop bullying
is a talk from a respected school official. If the school takes a non tolerant
stance and seems supportive of your familial arrangement, the abusive student
may back off because he or she seems to be the only one who thinks the ridicule
is funny.
Bullies also like to have an audience, but they
will not get an audience if their actions are seen as "not cool." To meet
this end, make sure your child has the opportunity to make friends. Let them
invite students home from school so that they can see that your lifestyle
is not any different than that of their own heterosexual parents. In times
of crisis, it will be these kids who stand up alongside your child.
In extreme instances, you may have to ask the
school to do something about the bullying. Sometimes, just changing the class
that your child is in can get them away from the bully. Maybe you will need
to pick him up from school so that he will not have to walk home alone or
ride a bus with a bully. In any event, do what you can to protect your child
and keep your calm. You have more friends out there than you
think.
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